“Size Matters”

by Andreas Economakis

Part 2 (click here for Part 1 of “Size Matters,” or visit the 3/14/11 issue of AIOTB)

I hobbled toward my bike, fishing the keys out of my jacket pocket.  One look at the hard saddle and I knew that I was in for one hell of a ride.  I gingerly cranked the ignition lever, cringing in pain and seriously considering pulling off my tight jeans despite the cold.  The ride into Athens was going to be a journey straight into the Beelzebub’s fiery inferno.  Maybe the winter wind chill factor would relieve my strained boys, kind of like putting them on ice.  After a few excruciating cranks, my pecker almost exploding in agony, my motorcycle started doing its classic boxer jiggle back and forth. I clambered on board, horror sketched on my pasty face.  I was surely going to rupture something down there.  The police report would read something like: “Anemic looking man found next to a gigantic detached penis in gruesome highway motorcycle accident.  Witnesses report that the penis was the apparent driver of the cycle.”  My Ramburglar was beginning to feel larger than the rest of me.  I was now officially becoming an appendage to my penis, rather than the other way around.  Was I the monkey on my penis’ back? READ MORE