High School Poetry Series: Gender, Identity, & Race — Genesis Gonzalez

A note from Series Editor Sarah Marcus-Donnelly: Born from a powerful in-class discussion that we had about gender, race, and the role of masculinity in rape culture, many of these poems are an analysis of gendered, racial personal experience and a study of our intersectionality. This poetry series was inspired by a HuffPost essay I wrote called, “Why I Teach Feminism at an Urban High School.” The poets featured here are all current students whose work I found to be brave and progressive. Please help me support their crucial and influential voices.

I chose this poem for its relatability. This work so clearly encapsulates the pressure of respectability and its insidious impact on young women. I am especially drawn to the complicated relationship the speaker has with wanting to please her father and her eventual self-realization and freedom.

 

The Apology

I am sorry

I say it too often.

Walking around with so much precaution.

What I want to say is

fuck tradition.

As a soldier, I was on a mission.

Make sure I am never too sexy;

only trained to be a Virgin Mary.

Or at least, that’s what I made myself believe.

I am sorry

I never realized

that God didn’t create me to be holy.

He made me to rewrite a story.

To cut down trees

rooted in the belief that I am not worthy.

I am worthy.

I am sorry

I kept myself so quiet.

Wore only long-sleeve shirts,

kept to a strict diet.

No mistakes, no drinking, no sex.

All to keep my father’s respect.

Followed the rules for eighteen years

and never realized I could come first.

I am sorry

I had to keep my head down,

And even on solid ground

the wet dreams embedded in men’s brains

made me feel like I might drown.

I fought the currents of the ocean,  

swimming and pleasing everyone but myself.

I am sorry

I always tried to be kind

even though I lost my peace of mind.   

Even though it made me feel out of place.

I did it all

to keep a smile on my father’s face.

 

 

 

Genesis Gonzalez is a high school senior from Cleveland. She enjoys photography, volunteering, and softball.