A note from Series Editor Sarah Marcus-Donnelly: Born from a powerful in-class discussion that we had about gender, race, and the role of masculinity in rape culture, many of these poems are an analysis of gendered, racial personal experience and a study of our intersectionality. This poetry series was inspired by a HuffPost essay I wrote called, “Why I Teach Feminism at an Urban High School.” The poets featured here are all current students whose work I found to be brave and progressive. Please help me support their crucial and influential voices.
I chose this poem for its relatability. This work so clearly encapsulates the pressure of respectability and its insidious impact on young women. I am especially drawn to the complicated relationship the speaker has with wanting to please her father and her eventual self-realization and freedom.
The Apology
I am sorry
I say it too often.
Walking around with so much precaution.
What I want to say is
fuck tradition.
As a soldier, I was on a mission.
Make sure I am never too sexy;
only trained to be a Virgin Mary.
Or at least, that’s what I made myself believe.
I am sorry
I never realized
that God didn’t create me to be holy.
He made me to rewrite a story.
To cut down trees
rooted in the belief that I am not worthy.
I am worthy.
I am sorry
I kept myself so quiet.
Wore only long-sleeve shirts,
kept to a strict diet.
No mistakes, no drinking, no sex.
All to keep my father’s respect.
Followed the rules for eighteen years
and never realized I could come first.
I am sorry
I had to keep my head down,
And even on solid ground
the wet dreams embedded in men’s brains
made me feel like I might drown.
I fought the currents of the ocean,
swimming and pleasing everyone but myself.
I am sorry
I always tried to be kind
even though I lost my peace of mind.
Even though it made me feel out of place.
I did it all
to keep a smile on my father’s face.
Genesis Gonzalez is a high school senior from Cleveland. She enjoys photography, volunteering, and softball.
I felt identified with this poem. As a woman I still fighting with a society where just men have the rights to brake rules.
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