The Chalice and the Burger

Adela and I were calling it a road trip, mainly because it made driving three hundred miles down through Central Valley in a car without air conditioning seem much more glamorous.
“Like Thelma and Louise,” my fellow pseudo-American mom enthused.
“Or Raoul Duke and Dr Gonzo, or even Sal and Dean,” I suggested, thinking more of the extra curricular possibilities of the long drive back without our thirteen year old boys.
We were dropping our kids at skate camp in the southern Sierra Nevada on 4th of July weekend and we were ready for pretty much anything; we’d paid the AAA a pretty penny for a premium membership and knew we could get a tow for at least a hundred miles if the Honda happened to give up the ghost.

We weren’t far past Orinda when our “Free Palestine” and “No War On Iran” bumper stickers began to draw attention to our otherwise lo-pro ride. Several times mini-vans paced alongside us and slab-faced white women scrutinized us with meanly scrunched up eyes, as if to say “ We’ll recognize you bitches if you show up at Dennys”.

“Did you bring your card?” I asked Adela, envisioning the slabby ones calling the cops to alert them to hippy moms in the vicinity. “Of course!” she laughed as she raised her eyebrows in that fierce Czech way of hers, intimidating those provincial ladies who floored their Town and Country and sped off towards Modesto.

Modesto reminded me of the story of a more inspiring matron, Florence Owens Thompson, the famous Migrant Mother that Dorethea Lange photographed during the Great Depression. Florence was 32 yrs old when Ms. Lange spotted her sitting in the back of her truck with her seven fatherless children. Her portrait was so poignant that it not only became the emblematic image of that dreary era but also made Lange’s reputation as a documentary photographer. For years nobody knew the identity or fate of this sad and beautiful mama, but then in the 70’s Florence came forward and told her story: she was born on an Oklahoma reservation and drove out West with her husband in search of work, he died while she was carrying their seventh child. To feed her children Florence picked cotton and anything else, including peas, which was what she was picking in Nipomo, when her famous portrait was taken. I heard a crackly audio recording of Florence on the internet where she told of how she’d ended up in Modesto and landed a janitorial job at the new hospital where she worked sixteen hour days for eight years straight. For decades she had remained anonymous because she didn’t want to shame her children with their poverty. There was some bitterness over the fact that Lange had never recompensed Flo for the use of her image which is world-famous, but most importantly Mrs Owens lived eighty years, a grand old lady, happy in her mobile home, loved and cherished by her children.

What I remembered most from the recording was how Flo spoke of the other children at the pea-picking farm in Nipomo, “They all crowded round and asked if they could eat with us” she recalled,” I fed them all out of the pot, they were starving.”

Speaking of starving, our boys were howling hungry by the time we hit Chowchilla on that pot-holed two lane blacktop, Route 99. We ate at Carls Jr much to the kids’ delight, everybody else munched burgers while I slurped up Chili Cheese Fries which looked for all the world like dog food and chips. Our sons share the burden of foreign-born mothers but in Chowchilla those unfamiliar accents of ours worked like a charm and the obliging counterboy made a fresh pot of coffee for us. Why is it Carls Jr and not Carl Jr? something curious that I can’t be bothered to research, but it is noted in the hinterland of my brain where I store similarly useless information — like the fact that these franchised businesses are the cultural simulacra that I was once thrilled to read about in Baudrillard’s Travels In America. It all seems passé now, but truly, the homogenous attributes which link a disparate population with symbols and semantic underpinning are plain to see out here and even we San Franciscan sophisticates know the constituent meaning of a combo! There was a beautiful Indian girl with long loose brown hair who came in. She acknowledged us with a smile and began to text with a tranquil expression. The other interesting-looking customer was a Latino, clean-shaven and smart in his polished cowboy boots and pristine straw cowboy hat. He also sat in a booth but didn’t look at us, he seemed correct and humble and made me feel kind of sad.

As dusk came down and the headlights came on, the preservatives or the karmic contamination of that cheap burger meat got me thinking about the darker realities of these country towns strung out through the valley. The Norteno/Sudeno gang wars, the crystal meth culture, the scary aberrant social crimes committed out here in the dusty strip mall neon church land that upsets the urban sensibility so much. Parents still shiver at the cold calculated ransom desires of three middle-class white boys who hijacked a busload of schoolkids in Chowchilla in the 70’s. More recently the unassuming Tracy, Merced and Modesto have raised profoundly horrible murderers like the dreadful Melissa Huckaby, Cary Stayner and Scott Peterson. Its true that these crimes happen in big cities too but somehow the ordinariness of tract home settlements under the big sky seems to magnify the human horror.

We drove through the night and climbing out of Fresno into the dark mountains we finally found the Humming Bird cabins where the owner, true to her word, had left Cabin Two open for us. We woke to the smell of a joint being smoked around the side of our cabin. It was the friendly breakfast chef from the Humming Bird Café getting baked mid-shift. He loved Adela’s bumper stickers and filled us in on most of his life: he was a Kosovo/Gulf War vet, a father of four, and had a gimpy leg from dirt bike riding, its true to say his cooking wasn’t nearly as good as his stories.

After a greasy breakfast the boys were twitching to sign in at camp, throw their bedrolls and backpacks in their cabin and get skating. Suddenly childless, we moms spent the afternoon high up in Kings Canyon, swimming with the holidaymakers at Hume Lake, getting lost in a vast encampment of Christian Schools and marveling at the massive sequoias named inappropriately after army generals.
Only half done with our road trip we took the downward road back towards the valley as the afternoon wore on, it was still hot as we pulled into yet another Carls Jr, this time in a run-down Fresno suburb. There was no real sense of Independence Day celebrations here except for a stall in the parking lot selling fireworks and business looked slow. Mercifully there were none of those unfriendly white ladies to be seen on this side of town, just pleasantly indifferent Latinos who took little notice of us burger-munching stonermoms.

So much for the burgers, but what about the Chalice?

We had packed light, I only had my toothbrush, a spare pair of knickers, my swim-suit and a copy of The Chalice and the Blade, self-banned from reading fiction, I’d brought along Riane Eisler’s classic. Eisler’s theory is that our prehistory and early cultural development was characterized by lovely partnership societies, violence came in with the dominator cultures which have held sway up ever since. When The Chalice and the Blade was first published thirty years ago the endemic prehistoric cult of the Great Goddess was not acknowledged, but Eisler’s painstaking research and multi-disciplinary approach brought our peaceful, artistic, nurturing Neolithic age back into sight, our paradise lost. Much as  Orwell’s Ministry of Truth rewrote history in 1984 so did the conquering dominator tribes: the Goddess was replaced with fearful war-hungry man gods, at best the Great Mother was turned into a consort deity. This is how our natural gender equality was destroyed, women became second to men and this perverse trajectory of human culture has led us directly here.

Out of kilter, the burger and the blade rule us, our meat-eating is eroding the environment faster than our fossil fuel consumption and our war lust is so deeply ingrained to deny it is heresy to most.

As the land falls away, the warm air pours over us, the clear night sky is illuminated sporadically by momentary flashes of the municipal fireworks of the tiny valley towns. Mothers heading home dream of a magical paradigm shift that allows us to partner with fathers again.

A Coney Island of the Belly

Lafayette Coney Island, Detroit
Coney Island hot dogs with trimmings from Lafayette Coney Island in Detroit. Photo by Beau R from Yelp. Used by permission.

A Coney Island of the Belly
By John Unger Zussman

June 1968. We emerge boisterous from the prom, the night still balmy. Six of us pile into my GTO and speed toward downtown Detroit to Lafayette Coney Island. Brightly lit, open till three, the Lafayette serves unkosher hot dogs on a Wonder Bread bun, slathered in mustard, smothered in thin chili, topped with a pile of raw onions, greasy fries on the side. Heaven. These Coney dogs have little to do with Coney Island, New York, but they are a Detroit institution and we grew up with them. We cram sweaty into a booth, raising scarcely an eyebrow in rented tuxedos and spaghetti-strap gowns. The Lafayette has seen it all. No need for menus: One Up Without for me, foregoing the onions, hoping for later; One Chili Only for you. We are young, fearless, on the town.

By the eighties, Coney Islands have gone upscale, dotting the wealthy Detroit suburbs like rhinestones among sapphires. We live in California now, married all these years, but we make a point when visiting to go for Coneys. Though our tastes run now to crusted salmon and risotto, and the fries go straight to our waists, the Coneys always taste like 1968, and youth, and prom night, and eager kisses in the back seat.

October 2001. In town for my sister’s funeral, we make our customary pilgrimage, but the Coneys seem flat and empty, the flavors crass, the mustard cheap, the chili a health hazard. I can’t believe we’re still eating this crap. We’ve turned a corner, crested a hill. Next stop, geezerhood. We’ve lost sight of 1968, buried in the dark recesses of our memories and taste buds. We look ahead to senility and the early-bird special at Bouchon.

Copyright © 2010 by John Unger Zussman. All rights reserved.

Why “America the Beautiful” Should Be Our National Anthem
By John Unger Zussman

No, it’s not because the “Star-Spangled Banner” (let’s call it SSB) is unsingable. The notes span about an octave and a half, which is within most people’s range. (The issue is that different people’s ranges don’t necessarily overlap.) But I digress.

Andreas Economakis

Barbie on the Rocks (photo by Andreas Economakis)

There’s Something Wrong With Willy!

by Andreas Economakis

When a boy discovers how to masturbate, the world ceases to exist as he knows it. Everything revolves around yanking willy. Morning, day and night. In the bedroom, in the bathroom, in the school bathroom, in the restaurant bathroom, in the library, behind the soccer field, in the woods, on the desk, under the desk, on the way to school, on the way back from school, carefully, everywhere. And the props! Sports Illustrated’s February swimsuit issue had a 2-second lifespan in my school library. Next on the list was National Geographic with its nude pygmies, nude natives, nude nudists. And the luscious lingerie ads in the Sunday paper! My mother must have thought I was a closet fashion designer, creating a scrapbook of Macy’s and Caldor and Woolworth’s clothes catalogs.

I was twelve when I discovered that excessive rubbing, in and of itself a pleasurable activity, could lead to the big Medina, the holy cow(!), Nirvana. I’ll always remember how, when we were younger, my brothers and I would sneak up into the water tower of our summer house with warm beers we’d nicked. We would sip the beers and then tuck ourselves into our sleeping bags to yank our willies. I didn’t fully understand what the big deal was. No matter how hard I yanked I could not for the life of me reach that state of bliss that my brothers seemed to achieve after a bit of strenuous yanking. My eldest brother was convinced that it was all technique, that somehow my wrist movement was wrong, that simply, I was a bad masturbator. I tried and tried, to no avail. My brother then decided that my willy was too small, possibly even deformed, and that only the three-finger approach would work for me. Needless to say, I became very worried that there was something wrong with willy. Fears of an 8-year old.

By the time I hit twelve, I was still apprehensive about my deformed willy. Of course that didn’t stop me from playing with it. And then it happened. Good God all mighty! Now I needed more props. I ransacked the library but found very little to feast my eyes on. How many other 12 and 13-year olds have pillaged and looted before me?

Back home, I eagerly tore through my collection of lingerie catalogues in my bathroom, pants bunched up hastily around trembling pubescent ankles, pimpled butt practically soldered to the toilet seat. That’s when I became even more worried that willy was indeed deformed. Careful examination of the catalogues confirmed what I already knew about female anatomy. Women had pubic hair. Behind it was a hole. The Hole. The Mother of all Holes. Logic dictated that the hole was like the belly button, only deeper. But my willy stood straight up. Shouldn’t it point straight out, horizontally, instead of up? Big problem! I pushed and pushed willy down but he kept springing back up. Dear God!! I was deformed!! There’s something wrong with willy!

–Andreas Economakis

This piece is part of a collection of stories on blindness entitled: The Blindness of Life.

Copyright © 2010, Andreas Economakis. All rights reserved.

For more stories by Andreas Economakis click on the author’s name below.

México: el país de no pasa nada

Seis años atrás, Ismael Hernandez Deraz aspiró a la gobernatura de Durango con la promesa de que llevaría al Estado hacía el progreso, haciéndose llamar “EL” como adjetivo característico del cambio que denotaría un antes y un después en la historia de la ciudad. El resultado de su proceso electoral no dejó en duda que el pueblo estaba con EL, pues obtuvo una ventaja de casi diez por ciento sobre los demás candidatos quienes aceptaron la victoria del Partido Revolucionario Institucional como un resultado legítimamente jurídico.

No tardo mucho en verse el cambio del que Ismael tanto hablaba; las oportunidades de trabajo empezaron a concederse a un limitado grupo de personas, todas ellas cercanas al gobernador dejando en la quiebra a varios negocios locales pues un monopolio había comenzado. Los medios de comunicación denunciaron esta práctica inconstitucional y poco a poco fueron callados por el mismo gobierno llegando a las consecuencias de que ninguno de ellos podría publicar ningún tipo de información sin que antes no fuera aprobada por EL. La ciudad comenzó a quedarse muda y sorda, conociendo las novedades por testigos presenciales cuya veracidad terminaba en rumores. Poco a poco, Ismael comenzó a demostrar quien realmente era, nunca le importó Durango, lo único que le importaba era su propia riqueza y habiendo dejado en claro que nadie podía estar en su contra, comenzó a desalojar a los habitantes de una manzana completa para el ahí, construir su mansión. La educación pasó a último término, pues para estos casos es preferible un pueblo ignorante.

Cierto día comenzó a circular en la red una amenaza de un grupo llamado “Los Zetas”, quienes anunciaban que en un plazo de dos meses llegarían a Durango armados y que no se detendrían ante nadie ni ante nada, que la población debería tener cuidado y evitar salir de sus casas. Durango se vió exceptico ante esta situación y lo tomó como una broma, por que para cadenas en internet, esa, no era la única.

Las cosas cambiaron cuando los primeros enfrentamientos entre la policía estatal y “los Zetas” tuvieron lugar dentro de un fraccionamiento conocido y cobró vidas inocentes a las que nunca se les hizo justicia. Durango empezó a conocer el miedo cuando hieleras ensangrentadas aparecieron frente a la Procuraduría General de Justicia del Estado conteniendo las cabezas de once hombres que habían sido reportados como desaparecidos apenas un día antes, acompañadas con una cartulina cuya leyenda decía “Ya llegamos, y no nos vamos”. A partir de entonces, Durango dejó de ser esa ciudad colonial y tranquila que le caracterizaba para convertirse en uno de los primeros estados con un alto índice de inseguridad a nivel nacional, las ejecuciones estaban a la orden del día, las amenazas de bombas, balaceras, los levantones, sucedían a cualquier hora, en cualquier parte, y eran tantas las denuncias de la ciudadanía que la autoridad optó por ignorarlas alegando que ya tenían demasiado trabajo para intentar con mas. Al poco tiempo, las denuncias terminaron, pues cada que se realizaba una, se recibía una llamada de amenaza por parte de este grupo del crimen organizado pidiendo por las buenas, que se callaran. A Durango no le quedo mas que ser testigo de todo lo que el crimen organizado era, no le quedó más que ser victima de sus miles de atropellos y no le quedó mas que aprender a quedarse callado, pues quienes debían protegernos, quienes debían llevarnos al progreso, tenían nexos con el narco.

Seis años le tomó a Ismael deshacer Durango, hacerlo inhabitable, inseguro, impune, negando siempre ante los medios el grado de violencia y cinismo que se vive actualmente en lo que fué una de las ciudades más tranquilas de la República. Y no obstante, reacio a dejar su poder dentro de la política, para estas elecciones del 2010, postuló a un candidato saltandóse todos los requisitos legales para poder postularse como candidato a gobernador, pues sabría podría manejarlo cual títere y así, alargar su gobierno durante seis años más. Los duranguenses cansados de vivir con miedo, votarón por el candidato del partido opositor, José Rosas Aispuro y al ver Ismael que su derrota era inminente, el día de las elecciones, el pasado 4 de Julio, mandó comandos armados a robar las urnas que contenían el material electoral y a pesar de las denuncias ciudadanas exigiendo el respeto de su voto, el candidato de Ismael, Jorge Herrera Caldera y el Partido Revolucionario Institucional se declararon ganadores, e incluso agraviados, pues declararon que Rosas Aispuro había sido el responsable del robo de urnas,  ya que  habían encontrado pruebas tales como publicidad en contra del PRI y boletas electorales en casas de miembros del partido opositor, e hicieron públicamente responsable de cualquier cosa que pudiera sucederle a Ismael, pues Aispuro tenía fuertes nexos con el narcotráfico. Cabe mencionar que los miembros del partido opositor en quienes supuestamente encontraron el material electoral robado, fueron puestos en libertad días después por falta de pruebas.

Diversos medios de comunicación anuncieron la victoria de Herrera Caldera incluso días antes de que el conteo oficial hubiese terminado sin darle importancia a las 30 urnas robadas, las cuales contenían aproxidamente de 10 mil a 20 mil votos. Rosas Aispuro  ante esta situación declaró que pedirá el recuento voto por voto una vez que las investigaciones sobre las urnas robadas que realiza la PGJE terminen  y que de ser necesario llevará este asunto a los tribunales electorales federales.

El pasado 8 de Julio, el pueblo de Durango salió a las calles para realizar una protesta pública contra Ismael, y a pesar de que este prohibió el transporte público ese día,  alrededor de 50mil personas recorrieron las calles de la ciudad exigiendo que se respetara su voto, su derecho a la democracia, a la vida y a la seguridad, que el pueblo de Durango ya había decidido y había decidido a Rosas Aispuro, que era tiempo de que Ismael dejara el poder, incluso la ciudad.

Nosotros no queremos una dictadura, no queremos que nos impongan un candidato, no queremos seguir viviendo en constante inseguridad y en un atropello interminable de nuestras garantías individuales, y mañana, 11 de julio, estamos a la espera del resultado final de las elecciones del 4 de julio, donde esperamos que nuestro derecho al voto sea respetado y Rosas Aispuro tome el poder el 5 de septiembre del 2010, como el pueblo de Durango lo decidió.


Ana Rzeznik is an activist and law student in Durango, Mexico.

SATURDAY POETRY SERIES PRESENTS: CARL R. MARTIN




LATE TO THE PARTY
by Carl R. Martin

I like the country except sometimes at night
when the old red-brick church stands a black hulk
near softly fluttering leaves by the wood
and the Pentecostal shadow bears down on his horse
pursuing you on spurred flanks of the road
and steps over graves, praying with his ten league hooves,
never whistling and rustling like the air or the owl.

You think up something crazy and unreal
and speak it to yourself, “It’s like dueling tractors these caterpillar heads
that piss in the grave.”
But the spirit’s still knocking, still biding
its time on thought over faces, and love’s limping cocoon,
whose translucent wings stand empty by the nightstand.

Carl R. Martin has been published in numerous literary magazines including Combo, Rhizome, Monatshefte, Pembroke Magazine, New American Writing, Denver Quarterly, and The American Poetry Review. He has won grants from the North Carolina Arts Council and the Wesleyan Writers Conference and he is a MacDowell Fellow. His first book of poetry Go Your Stations, Girl was published in limited and trade editions by the world renowned fine press printer Arion Press in San Francisco, now located in the Presidio and presided over by master printer and designer Andrew Hoyem. His second book of poetry Genii Over Salzburg was published by Dalkey Archive Press which publishes the Review of Contemporary Fiction as well as a distinguished list of classic modern innovative voices. His latest book of poetry is titled Rogue Hemlocks. (Annotated biography of Carl R. Martin courtesy of Here Comes Everybody, with edits.)

Editor’s Note: Recently I was thoughtfully loaned a book of poetry by creator and former Managing Editor of As It Ought To Be, Matt Gonzalez. I was captivated by the book before I even reached the first poem. I suggest you pick up a copy of Carl R. Martin’s first book, Go Your Stations, Girl. The fascinating story of how Martin came to be a published poet is in-and-of-itself worth the read, even before you have the pleasure of his simple, elegant, and instantly classic poetry.


Want to read more by and about Carl R. Martin?
Here Comes Everybody
Cold Front Mag
Bookslut

Andreas Economakis

Adoration of Crude Oil (by midian-Regina Angelrum)

A Heap of Burning Bunny Rabbits

by Andreas Economakis

Are all children pyromaniacs?  When my brothers and I were kids, man, you just couldn’t keep us away from fire.  We pretty much torched everything in sight.  If quick-dial had existed back then, I think my mom would have had the fire department on number 1 (for us) and the psychiatric ward on 2 (for her).  I’m not sure why we were so attracted to flames.  From hurling homemade napalm on walls to tossing aerosol cans into fires to setting random garbage piles on fire, we were the holy inferno of our entire Athenian neighborhood.

I must have been 6 or 7 years old when my two older brothers dragged an old foam mattress out of the basement and placed it under the big pine tree in our back yard.  My brothers were having an argument about whether the petrol-based mattress would catch fire right away when a match was put to it.  This was an ongoing family debate back then, whether or not petrol catches fire like gasoline.  Well… hmmm… the mattress not only caught fire, it virtually exploded in our faces, the spectacle scattering us in a terror-induced glee.  Huge flames licked upwards through the black smoke and a moment later the tree caught fire.  Luckily, the neighbor was on to us and rushed in with his hose, extinguishing the fire.  I think he also called the police.

I seem to remember the police stopping by our house regularly, be it for pellet gun violations or more often than not because we’d set someone’s garden or whatever on fire.  Most of the time we got away with the mischief.  We were very good at bolting when the shit hit the fan, or at least covering up or extinguishing our tracks before someone paid notice.  One thing is for sure: we were the masters of raising all kinds of hell.  At least my brothers were.  Did my cherubic young age absolve me of all the mayhem we created?  I guess I’ll find out in my next life.

One afternoon I was awakened from my innocent afternoon nap by my frantic brothers.  Something catastrophic had just happened and they needed my help instantly.  Bleary-eyed and struggling to put a skinny leg through my small shorts, I was hustled down into my dad’s study, heart pounding.  This place was strictly off limits to us kids.  My dad was no fool; he knew he lived with three pint-sized terrorists.  The study was a kid-free zone.  Or was it?  Seems that my brothers had put their siesta hour to good use, sneaking into the study to mess around.  My dad kept a huge, industrial fire extinguisher in the little kitchen by his study. I’m not quite sure where he got this thing. Anyway, my two brothers, permanently fighting since childbirth like Cain and Able, got in to some sort of epic brawl in the study.  My oldest brother, always a believer in total, absolute, cataclysmic, terminal retaliation, rushed into the small kitchen.  He emerged struggling, pulling the huge extinguisher, which was as tall as he was.  Like Rambo with a flame-thrower, he opened the valve, and blasted the shit out of his cowering younger sibling.

Shocked by the intensity of his firepower, my eldest brother tried to shut off the valve.  He twisted and twisted.  Nothing.  The jet of powder continued at full force, reducing my other brother into a pathetic, coughing snowman.  I couldn’t believe my eyes when I entered the study.  There was a half-meter of white, sudsy powder on the floor and absolutely everything was coated in white dust.  It looked like Christmas.  I was snapped out of my reverie by my sweating, panicky brothers.  “We’ve got to clean it up before daddy gets home!” they blurted out, almost in unison.  Before I knew it, I was shoveling white powder out the small window in the kitchen while the two of them filled bags and garbage cans and dragged them out to the back yard.  It was only a matter of time before the entire back yard was coated in white powder as well, our German shepherd padding about the snowy landscape like he was walking on needles, a perplexed look on his face.

Legs coated to the knees in white suds, I shoveled and shoveled, but the powder just seemed to multiply.  Pretty soon, all three of us were exhausted.  We realized that this would take much longer than expected.  Plan B.  My middle brother, ever the diplomatic one, suggested that we distract our father when he arrived home.  Perhaps he would not go into his study and we could continue the next day.  Good plan! (How did I get dragged into this mess?)  Well, the old man finally did show up from work and, miraculously, we managed to whisk him away from the door of his study, all three of us begging to be taken to dinner with mom that night.  Luckily my mom had remained oblivious to the whole affair, sleeping through the whole thing.  The plan was working.  My brothers and I behaved like little adorable angels that night, hoping our parents wouldn’t notice that all three of us were wearing sneakers that were dusted white.

In the end, we almost got away with it.  Much to our misfortune, our dad decided to visit his white study in the middle of the night while my guilty brothers and I slept. I remember all hell breaking loose and my dad’s dusty white suede shoes leaving angry white footprints around the house.

“At least we didn’t burn the house this time,” I remember thinking to myself, recollecting the several times we had burned or almost burned our house down.  I think it was my oldest brother who had placed a large pile of firecrackers and candles on the living room carpet and set it ablaze back when we lived in Lausanne.  I was only a toddler then, but I somehow recall the mayhem and smoke and hasty departure.  By comparison, the fire extinguisher tragedy was pretty minor and definitely in the right direction.  Isn’t it better to extinguish a house than to set it alight?  I wondered if my parents saw it that way….  Indeed, we always kept extinguishers around on account of the many fires that seemed to light up our lives.  My dad’s Titanic-sized extinguisher was indicative of the sort of fires he expected from his sons.

Well, like I said, we had a lot of fire extinguishers laying around when I was a kid.  But not always.  The summer after the fire extinguisher incident, my brothers and I found ourselves down in our house in the Peloponnese.  As always, total anarchy ruled here.  If things were relaxed in Athens, here we had virtually unadulterated free reign as my dad was generally absent in Athens and my mom was too busy drinking or avoiding us.  I guess you can call it anarchy, though my eldest brother was the leader of the anarchist group, a group which sought to create as much mayhem and damage as possible.  Our exploits with shotguns and pellet guns and firecrackers and bullhorns and nicked beers are legendary in the village. I think that the local villagers actually feared us.  As for us, we were having a ball.  It was kind of like Fear and Loathing meets Apocalypse Now, only in Greece and with plenty of goats and donkeys and barefoot Greek kids as observers.

I think our incendiary ways must have whooped our dog into quite a state of frenzy because one morning we found all the chickens and bunny rabbits that my mom kept in the old hutch, slaughtered.  The German shepherd must have entered the hutch at night and spread around a little of that holy terror he was so accustomed to seeing every day from his three little masters.  It was quite a sight, bunny and chicken carcasses strewn across the blood-soaked dirt, feathers everywhere, blood and guts stuck on the chicken wire fence.  Botis, the property caretaker, was convinced it our German hound had committed the grievous slaughter (he had fought the Nazis during World War Two and had a deep-rooted distrust of all things Deutsch).  Not helping his case, the pooch was sleeping the sleep of the century in the living room, totally content and full and with a bloody chicken feather stuck to his tail.

We gathered the carcasses into two piles.  Bunny rabbits on the left, chickens on the right.  I think it was my more sensitive middle brother who proposed that we create funeral pyres for the dead animals.  He must have read about them in National Geographic.  Always eager to oblige with fire ideas, the eldest one ran off and returned with a can of some sort of liquid.  He doused the rabbits and produced a box of matches.  The old debate ensued as to whether petrol catches fire when a match is put to it.  I think I sided with my eldest brother, having recalled that petrol takes a while light up, compared to gasoline.  The mattress hadn’t really convinced me as it was made of rubber.

Anyway, the argument raged on and pretty soon I was selected to solve the dispute.  I was handed the matches and pushed toward the mountain of dead, bloody rabbits.  I hesitated, the eyes of the little dead ones throwing me glassy, angry looks.  It was intense, looking into all those dead little faces.  I kneeled down and pulled a match out.  I thought again about the petrol and decided that, mattress aside, I was pretty sure it wouldn’t catch fire easily.  Reassured by my memory, I struck the match and thrust my hand into the heap of dead rabbits.   An explosion ensued.

The rest is kind of a psychedelic blur.  My eyes and skin stinging, I was hustled off by my brothers and Botis.  I remember the heap of bunny rabbits burning and crackling as I was hauled down to the house.  Before I knew it I was stuffed into a bathtub.  One brother turned on the cold water while the other one ran in a panic to find my mother, who must have been down at the beach sleeping off the night before.  I touched my face and my eyelashes and eyebrows crumbled off.  I smelled of burnt hair.  Indeed, even the hair on my head crumbled to my touch.  I sat all flash-charred in the bathtub, crying my eyes out as our agitated German shepherd barked and yelped up a storm by the bathroom door.  Botis, a mountain of man, someone who was not afraid of anything (I had once seen him chop off the head of a huge snake with a shovel, holding the snake down with his bare foot), reappeared, trembling and flustered from anxiety.  He was clutching a bottle of olive oil.  He uncorked it and started to pour it all over me.  I started screaming.  My god, they were planning to cook me up for dinner!  Pretty soon I was calmed by Botis, who reassured me that I wasn’t on the menu that night.

As the heap of burning bunny rabbits crackled and sizzled outside, Botis explained that olive oil would soothe my skin.  Well, the old village remedy didn’t exactly work.  What happened instead, and this I was told after I woke up in the hospital the next day, is that the olive oil clogged my skin pores and my temperature shot up.  Charred and overheated as I already was, my clogged pores sent me over the edge and I passed out from fever.

I awoke to presents and candy at the hospital the next day, feeling much better.  My brothers and mother were beside me.  Luckily, I was only flash burned and there was no permanent damage.  My eyelashes and eyebrows and hair would grow back.  On the way back home, my brothers continued their argument about petrol.  I starred at them without my eyebrows, batting my eyelash-less eyelids and wondering if they were as dumb as they seemed.  I finally intervened, mentioning that I was living proof that petrol catches fire like gasoline.  “Uhmm no, not really…” my eldest brother told me. “I guess I made a mistake. The stuff we poured on the rabbits was gasoline.  I thought it was petrol…”

–Andreas Economakis

This piece is part of a collection of stories on blindness entitled: The Blindness of Life.

Copyright © 2010, Andreas Economakis. All rights reserved.

For more stories by Andreas Economakis click on the author’s name below.

SATURDAY POETRY SERIES PRESENTS: JACK SPICER




SECOND LETTER TO FEDERICO GARCIA LORCA
by Jack Spicer

Dear Lorca,

When I translate one of your poems and I come across words I do not understand, I always guess at their meanings. I am inevitably right. A really perfect poem (no one yet has written one) could be perfectly translated by a person who did not know one word of the language it was written in. A really perfect poem has an infinitely small vocabulary.

It is very difficult. We want to transfer the immediate object, the immediate emotion to the poem – and yet the immediate always has hundreds of its own words clinging to it, short-lived and tenacious as barnacles. And it is wrong to scrape them off and substitute others. A poet is a time mechanic not an embalmer. The words around the immediate shrivel and decay like flesh around the body. No mummy-sheet of tradition can be used to stop the process. Objects, words must be led across time not preserved against it.

I yell “Shit” down a cliff at the ocean. Even in my lifetime the immediacy of that word will fad. It will be dead as “Alas.” But if I put the real cliff and the real ocean into the poem, the word “Shit” will ride along with them, travel the time-machine until cliffs and oceans disappear.

Most of my friends like words too well. They set them under the blinding light of the poem and try to extract every possible connotation from each of them, every temporary pun, every direct or indirect connection – as if a word could become an object by mere addition of consequences. Others pick up words from the streets, from their bars, from their offices and display them proudly in their poems as if they were shouting, “See what I have collected from the American language. Look at my butterflies, my stamps, my old shoes!” What does one do with all this crap?

Words are what sticks to the real. We use them to push the real, to drag the real into the poem. They are what we hold on with, nothing else. They are as valuable in themselves as rope with nothing to be tied to.

I repeat – the perfect poem has an infinitely small vocabulary.

Love,
Jack

Copyright © 1975 by The Estate of Jack Spicer.

Jack Spicer (1925-1965) has been twice before featured on As It Ought To Be. For his bio and other samples of his work, click here and here.

Editor’s Note: This is the third time Jack Spicer has been featured here on As It Ought To Be. Today is the third, and also my thirtieth birthday. Jack Spicer is among my favorite poets, and After Lorca among my favorite of his works.

With After Lorca, Spicer invented a fresh and innovative art form. The book (originally a chapbook, printed and distributed locally in the San Francisco Bay Area, as was Spicer’s way) notes that it is published “With an introduction by Federico Garcia Lorca.” Of course, Lorca had been dead some twenty-one years by the time Spicer published this book.

The above letter lies somewhere between the boundaries of poetry and prose, somewhere between the world of the living and the dead, somewhere between poetry and creative nonfiction. And within the letter itself is a sort of manifesto of Spicer’s. His thoughts on language, on art, even critique of the writing of his compatriots – a not altogether un-Spicerian thing to do. Under the guise of a letter to Lorca, Spicer is able to share with his audience an insight into his mind and his craft while simultaneously doing something with language and art that had not been done before.

Today’s post specifically struck a chord with me in relation to my own evolving craft. I specifically want to dedicate today’s post to As It Ought To Be Editor Okla Elliot. Okla has been kind enough to help me revise my poems for submission to graduate school. Throughout this infuriating process he has reminded me over and over to put concrete objects into my poems and that they suffer from too many abstract ideas and images. I think Okla would agree with this statement, if only in relation to my work, “Most of my friends like words too well. They set them under the blinding light of the poem and try to extract every possible connotation from each of them, every temporary pun, every direct or indirect connection – as if a word could become an object by mere addition of consequences.”


Want to read more by and about Jack Spicer?
EPC / Buffalo Author Home Page
Poets.org
Poetry Foundation


Looking Beyond the Surfaces in David Lipsky’s Although of Course You End up Becoming Yourself: a Road Trip with David Foster Wallace (a Not-Really Review by Raul Clement)



I.

Let’s judge a book by its cover, shall we?

The book in question is David Lipsky’s Although of Course You End up Becoming Yourself: a Road Trip with David Foster Wallace, and it is the first work resembling a biography of Wallace since his death by hanging in 2008. As such, it is an odd start – less a biography than a casually edited transcript of a week-long conversation between Wallace and Lipsky – but for right now it’s all we’ve got.

And perhaps it’s fitting that Wallace get to present himself in his own words. Words are, after all, what we come to Wallace for – that unique and explosive alchemy of high and low, of literary and pop, of slangy and technical, of intimate and cerebral. Or as Lipsky describes it in his afterword, placed oddly but cannily before the main text of the book (in imitation of Wallace’s experiments with form, but also so as not to have the reader’s final impression of Wallace be of his tragic death):

“He wrote with eyes and a voice that seemed to be a condensed form of everyone’s lives – it was the stuff you semi-thought, the background action you blinked through at supermarkets and commutes – and readers curled up in the nooks and crannies of his style.”

So ordinary and not. Somehow extra-ordinary, ϋber-ordinary, able to tap into the unarticulated places that we all share.  “A condensed form of everyone’s lives,” emphasis on condensed as contrasted with everyone.  Or as Wallace himself expresses it:

“If a writer does his job right, what he basically does is remind the reader of how smart they are. Wake the reader up to stuff that reader’s been aware of all the time.”

This waking up is what we – or at least I – come to great writers for. But for this existential alarm clock to go off, we must see ourselves in the writer. He must be everyone.  And it is the job of the biographer to tease out this everyone – to emphasize the ordinariness over the genius which allows the writer to express it. Genius, if it exists (and is not just the product of concentrated effort), is why we are drawn to writers; ordinariness is what allows us to apprehend genius. Even in a book as seemingly hands-off as Lipsky’s, the agenda of teasing out the ordinariness behind the genius is present.

And we need look no further than the cover to find it.


II.

[Note to the reader: this is not a review in the traditional sense. If you want the subjective opinion of a stranger as to whether this book is “good” or not, there are dozens of those in major newspapers, magazines, and journals around the country. This is, rather, an analysis of the rhetorical project of Lipsky’s book as I see it.]

In the cover photo, Wallace sits in a study or office with his dog on his lap. An innocuous photo, but let’s think for a second about what it means. A dog is middle-American – you could even say middle-world. People of all races, ages, countries, and income backgrounds own dogs. Man’s best friend. The idea here is that Wallace, for all his “tortured brilliance,” is ordinary. Relatable. If you don’t believe me, check out the countless profiles on Wallace which use his dogs, his habit of chewing tobacco, and the fact that he wears a bandana not to be hip but because of his sweating issues, as proof of his ordinariness. Check out Lipsky in the introduction, describing his first impressions of Wallace’s house in Bloomington-Normal, Illinois:

“I’ve also been surprised to find the towel of Barney, subbing as a curtain in his bedroom, and the big poster of the complaint singer Alanis Morissette on his wall.”

But lest the reader forget that, for all his ordinariness, Wallace is in fact extraordinary (and note the word surprised in the previous sentence; Lipsky is surprised chiefly because this ordinariness is unexpected), this scene is set in a study.  A reliquary of thought and creative production. He is surrounded by books. Stacked sideways and at crazy angles, presenting a view of the artist as someone who can’t be bothered with the details. Not pretentious, however – the lone book spine we can read is The Encyclopedia of Film, which while no doubt a substantial volume, is hardly Wittgenstein. This could very well be coincidence – and I’m not saying all these details are calculated – but it achieves the desired effect of the cover as a whole: to make the extraordinary relatable, to make genius ordinary.

If we share so much with a brilliant mind, the cover suggests, perhaps, by a kind of transitive property of human intellect, we too can be brilliant.

Now let’s move to the title. Although. Of course. You. End Up. Becoming. Yourself. I’ve broken it down into discrete language units to emphasize how important each is in conveying the central idea of the book. Appropriately enough, the phrase comes straight from Wallace’s mouth – a toss-off line in the context of a book-length interview, but one which takes on new weight when made to stand alone on the front cover and, in doing so, to speak for the book as a whole.

Although: This gives the effect of an ongoing conversation we are just now joining. A classic postmodern technique (yes, at this point we can say that: classic postmodern), the idea that narrative has no beginning or end – and it is one that plunges us into the moment and creates a sense of casualness that a more rigid structure would deny.

Of course: creates a rhetorical bond between reader and writer. “We both know this,” it says. Now let’s think about it together.” This is a technique Wallace uses frequently in his nonfiction and some of his best fiction (see the narrator of Infinite Jest), a position which implies the reader is every bit as smart as Wallace. That this is a lie – we wouldn’t be reading him if he weren’t somehow smarter, more alive than us – is beside the point. It’s a lie that flatters us and makes us feel at home in the text.

You: Just as the slightly awkward abutment of the two prepositions although and of course creates a sense of naturalness – which in turn seems honest, and therefore inspires trust – so does the familiar pronoun you. You is the same thing as one, but in place of this stiff, academic generalization, we have a word that points at the reader and includes him in the generalization. Like of course, it establishes a rhetorical bond: the you here is closer to we than it is to one. It is, in fact, all of us.

End Up: I’m going to skip over this for now, since the important thing is how it plays off of becoming. I will say, however, that it has an informal quality that fits with the title as a whole.

Becoming: This book is a process. While it chronicles a road trip, it is also a trip toward the self. Wallace’s self, yourself. The interesting thing is that this self is not a birthright – it is a destination, somewhere you end up. This is another postmodern idea, the self as constructed, but with a twist. You don’t create the self you would like to be – though there is a great deal of that going on in this book – but the self you need to be. Or maybe it is not created at all, but discovered. As in Wallace’s writing, postmodern techniques are used for old-fashioned ends.  Moral ends.

(Here, for reference, is the excerpt on the back of the book, which I feel comfortable including under the umbrella of the cover:

“If you can think of the times in your life that you’ve treated people with extraordinary decency and love, and pure uninterested concern, just because they were valuable as human beings.  The ability to do that with ourselves…I know that sounds a little pious.”

Everything is here. The casualness, the self-awareness – “I know that sounds a little pious” – the idea of self as active creation. As moral duty.)

Yourself: We are along on this process of self-discovery with Wallace. Anything that happens to him happens to us. His problems and questions are ours. As such we relate to genius – become it, in fact – which is precisely the reason we read the biographies of extraordinary people to begin with.

We want to understand why we are not them, sure, but we also don’t want to lose the dream of becoming them.


III.

How do these themes carry forward into the book? At first glance, Lipsky’s biography appears to be the product of laziness – a quick cash-in on the Wallace legacy. As mentioned, the book is essentially a direct transcript of a week-long conversation between Lipsky and Wallace during Wallace’s tour in promotion of Infinite Jest. Lipsky’s intrusions are minimal. I will quote a few at random, not so much for their content, but so that you get a sense of their flavor.

A few section headings so that we know where we are:

“First Day,” one reads, “David’s House, Tuesday Before Class, In the Living Room Playing Chess, His Dogs Slinking Back and Forth Over Carpet.”

Bracketed asides contain additional thoughts of Lipsky’s – sometimes purely informative, sometimes meditative, sometimes undermining – about Wallace or the subject at hand:

“[Hums while playing chess: not tremendously good at chess; strong, however, at humming]”

Or later, as they discuss why Wallace won’t take an advance on his work:

“[This remains chess: as if I’m trying to trick him into castling prematurely.]”

But mostly they talk: about the way literature works, about the perils of fame, about what it means to be human in an age of nonstop self-gratification. To readers of Wallace, these will be familiar themes – present in almost every word he wrote. But they also talk about Bruce Willis movies, Wallace’s boyish crush on Alanis Morrisette (endearingly, Wallace keeps calling one of her songs “I Wanna Know” instead of “You Oughta Know”), about Wallace’s desire to get laid on tour and his disappointment that it hasn’t happened yet.

Again: ordinariness combined with extraordinariness. The conversation flows between these two modes with the naturalness of, well, a conversation. Lipsky is more archivist/editor than writer. His interruptions have the informative purpose and staccato style of editor’s notes. What this does is allow us to be there with him.

If Wallace, in his writing – and Lipsky and his editors with the design and format of this book – makes every attempt to have us feel that his mental journey is ours, then we are also Lipsky, along for the ride. By using the road trip as the book’s organizing principle, Lipsky not only literalizes the internal journey (just as the external journey is made metaphor by the title), but he furthers the impression of Wallace’s ordinariness. Road trips traffic in the mundane: hotels, Denny’s restaurants, time spent cramped in rental cars or waiting at baggage claims. Bad pop radio, hours with nothing to do but talk.

Bond.

And bond they do. At first, Wallace is guarded. He gives the answers he thinks Lipsky wants. He is careful to downplay the impact of his newfound fame and his excitement over the book tour. Part of this, as he states repeatedly, is a way of making sure he stays grounded. But it is also a calculated attempt to seem humble and unpretentious. Here is one of Lipsky’s asides:

“[He has sized me up as a guy who likes “laying”… I now know he did this sort of thing as an approach, and I can see it here, his trying to guess what people, what I wanted.  That’s who he is too: trying to read people.]”

This is not to say he is being dishonest. Rather, it’s honesty with a motive. The simple and miraculous thing that happens in the course of this book is that the motive seems to drop away – or maybe it simply changes, from manipulation to communication. Wallace begins to trust Lipsky. Compare this to the earlier talk of getting laid:

I really have wished I was married, the last couple of weeks. Because yeah, it’d be nice to have somebody to um—you know, because nobody quite gets it.  Your friends who aren’t in the writing biz are just all awed by your picture in Time, and your agent and editor are good people, but they also have their own agendas. You know?  And it’s fun talking with you about it, but you’ve got an agenda and a set of interests that diverges from mine. And there’s something about, there would be something about having somebody who kinda shared your life, and uh, that you could allow yourself just to be happy and confused with.

It’s probably naïve to think that this version of Wallace is any less calculated than previous incarnations. Wallace is too smart for that. But the effect has changed. We get, more than any other place in the book, a deep sense of his loneliness. It’s at this moment we fully feel the death not of Wallace the writer (extraordinary), whose loss we already feel or else we wouldn’t be reading this biography, but of Wallace the human being (ordinary). The book has achieved its rhetorical goal, not through any calculated and – in the most literal sense – superficial means of cover artwork and title, but by allowing Wallace the room to speak. To become himself.

And it’s therefore not surprising that in this moment, when we are closest to the felt impact of Wallace’s death, he seems at his most alive.