On Ownership My hair has always been mine and my clothes were always equal parts mine and my sister’s; my glasses are mine, even though I don’t wear them often these days. They are mine nonetheless. But when you ask me, ‘to whom does your body belong?’ I can only recite the names of a handful of people whom I cannot look in the eye: a trusted adult, a classmate from a few years back, the guy at the bar who didn’t bother to ask my name, or really any questions before placing his hands on my body-that-isn’t-quite-mine and I laughed it off to my friends because that’s just what you do when a weird guy does weird shit: you laugh it off and then you go home. Home, to me, is an apartment with a lock that still hasn’t been fixed and walls I can’t paint because, even though I pay my rent on time, it’s not really mine. Is anything really mine if my own flesh isn’t mine? The first man I ever loved and allowed access to this body-that-isn’t-quite-mine did not return my call when I told him about a pregnancy test that I had to take in the Freudenberger Residence Hall communal bathroom, alone. In that moment, this trembling body-that-isn’t-quite-mine was a thing that he no longer wanted to claim, as if it now belonged to someone else with a heartbeat just like the pounding one in my chest, which didn’t feel like my own. That was four years ago, back when I at least had the option to make a difficult choice regarding this body-that-isn’t-quite-mine, and I still do not know how to reclaim the bodily autonomy that has been stolen from me time and time again since I was a little girl on the playground, a frightened teenager in a dorm, a tired adult watching the news. Now, when you ask me, ‘to whom does your body belong?’ I will recite the names of nine Supreme Court Justices.
About the Author: Madeira Miller is a writer and poet seeking a creative writing degree at Missouri State University. Her work appears in ‘Dreamstones of Summer’ by WinglessDreamer, ‘Praised by December’ by WinglessDreamer, Every Day Fiction Online Magazine, F3LL Digital Magazine, The Gateway Review Literary Magazine, ‘My Cityline by WinglessDreamer,’ The Bookends Review Creative Arts Journal, ‘Sea or Seashore’ by WinglessDreamer, Bridge Eight Press, In Parentheses Literary Magazine, Dipity Literary Magazine, Abstract Literary Magazine, Academy of the Heart and Mind Literary Magazine, and New Note Poetry Magazine.
Image Credit: Helene Schjerfbeck “Girl with Orange, The Baker’s Daughter” (1908) Public domain image courtesy of Artvee.
As It Ought To Be 